haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
