i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
