my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize