Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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