Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
