My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize