A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
