it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
