so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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