I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
