I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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