i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
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This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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