you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
