Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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