Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
