If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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