I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize