she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
