Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
