I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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