The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
