i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize