Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My ATM looks so different sober.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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