I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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