New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
