Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.

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(206): View more from Washington

Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits

Fav 16 7461 1104
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(770): View more from Georgia

i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.

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(503): View more from Oregon

You'll be proud of me

(1-503): View more from Oregon

Who did you not have sex with

(503): View more from Oregon

Damn it...you know me too well

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

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(469): View more from Texas

Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.

Fav 6 2542 1065
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...

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