God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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