she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
