the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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