He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
