He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
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So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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