Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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