Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
