The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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