thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize