I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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