you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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