I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
