She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
