Do you still have your period?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
