His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
