just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
