The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
