I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
