I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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