I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
