My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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