Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
