I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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