i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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