Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
