im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
