My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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