Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
