There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
