I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Can I color on your dick again?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
