Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
