whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Found your dick twin last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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