i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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