I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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