If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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