So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
