So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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