3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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