No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
God I need to hump something, right now.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
