my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
