i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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