I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
