I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
