I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
