You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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