you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
