you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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