Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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