The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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