get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we're making bets on your personal life
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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