why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
