can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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