So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
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if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
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Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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