I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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