Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
this hospital has no fireball
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
