I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
