census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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