My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
